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(wellness for everyone)

Our subconscious is flawed. As a result, multiple times each day, it is going to draw a conclusion that is either misleading or downright wrong and, regardless, give us a compelling physical sensation supporting it. That's a problem. The first step of course is to limit if not stop the knee jerk responses based upon these feelings (or absence thereof). So called emotional regulation. The next step is to engage in reframing.

Reframing is about creating new stories. Like our consciousness, our subconscious recognizes patterns to draw conclusions. And if a conclusion is wrong we can't just erase it. We need to atrophy it. That involves two basic operations. Not acting upon it - therefore failing to reinforce it - and creating a new, opposing conclusion. Over time, this diminishes the stength of the old conclusion and eventually replaces it with the new conclusion.

By the time you've gotten here to reframing, you've realized that you are feeling something that isn't valid. That's great. However, what you do about that is slightly different based upon the root cause. Below is a quick overview of what those are with a short description of how they are managed. We'll be adding supporting media and examples in the near future.


Over-experience: needy / feelings of abandonment
Don't blame yourself. Take responsibilty, sure, but always follow-up that up with what else can you do because there may be nothing. Repair, deal with the conseqences and, after that, recognize that you are obsessing. Do not fear abandonment or rejection. See them as opportunities to grow and learn to become more independent.

Under-experience: belligerent / judgmental
Act to reverse the feeling. When feeling critical, praise instead. Seeing the good in others helps you focus on it in yourself.


Over-experience: defensive / quiet
Stick-up and do for yourself. Know that you are an equal and are not here to do for others. Self-care / nurture.

Under-experience: boastful / something to prove
Rather than taking credit give it to others. Share the success and know that you have nothing to prove.


Over-experience: indecisive / procrastinate
Push through the emotion to act. The best decision is the one you make. You need to build up your discretion system and, honestly, prove to yourself that you usually know what is best already.

Under-experience: entitled / arrogant
Become hyper-focused on what others say to you and how they act. The body language and feedback are already there and you even see it. However, you have chosen to ignore or override it in the past. Now, instead, you must invite it and use it to repair your radar.


Over-experience: give up easily / change direction often
As with indecisiveness, you must push through the misleading emotion. See challenges as obstacles to overcome, not reasons to stop. Ultimately, success occurs with many failures along the way and adjustments accoridngly. Don't shy away from commitment and responsibilty. Embrace them.

Under-experience: reckless / irresponsible
As with entitlement, much of what you need to know is already present. The difference here is that the acts tend to be more solitary, so you get the feedback when you are starting out or reporting back to others. Listen to them and do not dismiss it. Being driven is good, but doing so without regard to risk is dangerous.

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